Some moments that change lives...

It was one of those warm summer afternoons, it was my first day at the Chemistry tuition; climbing up the stairs, I enter this room, a bit nervous, not too sure as to what is in store...a few benches and the few occupants, obviously girls, attracts my attention, when I am brought back to the reality with this coarse sound saying "Anil, thaa ividae ingottu vaaa..." and that was him K. C. Rajkumar. Every other day of my life, I look back at Anil from the mid eighties, a dark, lean, not-so-confident, middleclass boy, who could hardly lift his head, who could barely have confidence in staring at his own image in the mirror.

That was, in a few weeks time, slowly getting transformed, dark, lean was not changing but boy'o'boy the confidence was just increasing by every passing minute - that was him, Raj Kumar, who instilled the confidence in me, he changed my life, I still believe, it was that moment when he called me by my name from the back bench. Never before had I gone to the last bench in any class...I just walked into this glory, into this world of boomin' confidence. Thanks KC, You are just awesome buddy, just amazingly awesome. You dont know/realise what you have done, but whatver you did just changed my life...it one of those moments...

Thank you Mr. Jobs for this amazing iPad

Yes finally I fell for it and possibly one of the best decisions by far this month. I love this device...more laterz!!!

Yes...Prince 2 Practitioner is done & dusted

Quite Excited about today...the much awaited result is out and I can't really express the sense of gratification & relief that sets in. Even when conceptually I was quite happy with the way the training week went, this was a hurdle which I wanted to leap over. It is amazing how the framework has impacted me in terms of how I view individual projects the entire program and the different strategies that are in place and missing in the real world BAU engagements

Congratulations to myself...even if nobody reads :)

Here I am on my third day and not missed writing on this wall of and . CONGRATULATIONS Anil, think you have a space to jot down your pleasant and unpleasant thoughts, and be assured that nobody bothers to visit, read or comment :) As I wrote, yes I am in through a mid-life crisis now...I will sleep over it and be born again to live positively, not change much...for that is me and the more I try to change, lesser the significance of my being would be...beleive me it is just ME speaking through this crisis, my crisis management skills SUX!!! Good Night Anil :)

Have you visualised those scenes that you were in without yourself...

Not too sure why and when this thought sneaked into my subconscious and started boiling up time and again over the last 24 hours, maybe it was there for ever, just was not time yet for it to... This is the 40th year of my existence and there was this discussion of mid-life crisis brought up on numerous occassions by quite a few near and dear faces, all to end up with me going blah blah blah again...
Every person on any given day get insecure at what happens to him, the words that flow around him, the smells, the thoughts, the references, the arguments...and that triggers abnormal behavioural patterns in him/her, one which makes him do crazy things (crazy 'cos he/she is not known to do it), those things that he/she feel will make him/her get over those unpleasant/insecure entities around him...and friends, that is the mid life crisis for me. The very fact that we die every evening into the unknown of our sleep to be born again with the rising sun again with another day, another life...Yes every day is life for us...and mid-life crisis can be any time over any given day, atleast for me!!! Another digression from the core topic...What did I start with...YES your imagination taking yourself off those scenes that you have lived through...Amazing thought isn't it...your words, action, arguments, body language, cynicism, sarcasm, arrogance...the profound impact that it has on others, the indelible marks that it leave on others' lives, your absence just takes that all all off the entire equation, the whole dynamics of that moment gets rewritten into something sometimes pleasant and sometimes unpleasant. If you look at it from a median, can we really gauge what the spread would be!!! Would it be towards the better of the people around you, would they be better off without you, would they be happier...atleast for a few around me, I can easily confirm that it does make a huge difference. It is a sad feeling an amazingly annoying truth that at times make you realign your priorities, that thought which makes you try to refine yourself!!!
Having said all these...every night we die to be reborn into a new life, will my tomorrow be a different life, a life devoid of all these negativities that I am carrying with me...I have to be specific here, just my indulgences, my expressions, my thoughts, my actions...

Anchor...Raising the sails...

Another Saturday is almost seeing itself off without leaving any solid memoirs to cherish apart from this movie that leaves a bit of vacuum - Swades. It is amazing how I have not realised the way near to 4 decades has gone past me and taking me through various phases of life and anchored me (I take it as an anchor for now!!!) here in Auckland New Zealand. Never in my wildest imaginations did I think that the day would come when I disconnect myself from my motherland...when I pull my anchor off and raise my sails to set off... Even when those numerous negations that stare straight on to my eyes...corruption, pollution, population, inflation...yes I could just go on and on and on, I still miss the freshness, the monsoon, my friends, my relatives, the coconut palms, beautiful rainforest, beaches, backwaters...mom, dad, brother, Smitha(my wife)'s mom, brother & family...
Maybe it is just another few more years here after which I would pull this anchor off. Once set up and the cogs of the wheels starts self managing, once the economic freedom is realised, once the priority is defined, once the confidence gets solidified, once the net worth is not revisited time and again, I could just raise the sails again, pull the anchor off!!! I miss my people, I miss Trivandrum. I miss Kerala - the Gods' own country!!!

Do I have to be right always...Should I thrive to be right?!?!

This occurred to me while I was driving to work this morning that a huge portion of my emotional matter is invested in my effort to be right...and then the thought followed as to whether it is the right thing to do at any given instant of time & space. The brutal reality is the conditioned thought always make you believe that what you have done, have been doing, will do has to be rationalised & justified with parameters that you have set for yourself, to be right. So this effort to be right is just feeding into your conditioned conscience, but does that really do what you want it to do - say for argument sake, keep people happy around you.
My friend at work, Saman, pointed out in a discussion yesterday the need for keeping people around you comfortable if we are to make the point and get them to take it the way it is intended. He was referring to a conversation that I had with him about democracy and how I have seen it work with all its nuances and subtilities, swinging between the extremes, in my more than 3 decades of existence. This conversation I reckon is a classical example, more than trying to make the person feel at ease with my point of discussion, my hyperstate takes the essence of the discussion away and what I am trying to make the person understand as being right is not right but my PUSH. Is that what is real or is it just an emotional surge, does it really have to be like that, would it not be better to contain the emotions and focus on facts, Should I thrive to win that argument rather than just let the RIGHT just take its due course and come out on its own merit. Yes let it free, you dont own anything, this moment is captured and you sink in to it and then let it go...wait for the next moment embrace it, make the most out of it. Bottomline is you dont have to be right or rather nobody expects you to be right all the time. Give yourself the chance to be not right and let it go...